Be Here Now

When I left fore Italy a few months ago, a friend gave me a little book called “Mindfulness for Stargazers”, written by an astronomer and Zen teacher, Mark Westmoquette. One of his stories presented me with a Buddhist teaching that I’ve heard one way or another many times before: expectations create suffering. Somehow, hearing him deal with bad weather (aka bad sight) on a research trip in Hawaii, and how that relates to disappointment and feeling like the Universe did you wrong, clicked with me. I set an intention for this trip.

I want to want less

that things go

as I want them to

A starry night in Liguria

Sorry, what do you (not) want? I want fewer ideas about how things should go, be, look, or feel. Letting things be as they are, as they come. Often our experience is influenced by the expectations we have upfront. I’m glad that I spent very little time on social media, cause I can only imagine the impact those picture-perfect presentations have on those who do find their travel, cooking, or life inspiration there. Even though I may have fewer demands for the specific aesthetics, it’s not uncommon to show up feeling like someone owes you good weather, clean swell, no other tourists, and quiet camping spots in the wild.

Luckily, life gives you plenty of opportunity to practice this, especially when you’re on a two-month camper trip. The day following this intention, I was hiking Müllerthal with a friend, and when we arrived at the campsite for the first night, they put us on a sloping plot. For someone who already doesn’t like sleeping in a tent, I was ready to make a fuss, but the campsite was fully booked, and I was left to practice accepting things as they are.

Initially, it felt uncomfortable to let go of the stories and pictures I create with my mind. If I don’t have an idea upfront of how the day, hike, conversation, or retreat will go, what might happen? I realised this illusion of control was entirely in the way of me and the experience, like a filter creating hazy sight. By being in my head, occupied with making sure things would go according to plan, I robbed myself of the beauty of the present moment and burdened myself with a responsibility that was never meant for one person. Deep down, it meant that I didn’t trust life enough to let it happen.

Entering experiences without this pre-made idea of how I wanted things to be opened the door to a deeper experience of the present moment. In a short time, I learned to be fully present for the present. To notice subtle shifts in my body or energy when something changes, when someone leaves or enters. To be in awe of nature’s beauty, to notice the bird songs and say hi to a passing turtle. I slowed down because I wasn’t thinking about what came next. Over time, this practice took less and less effort, and going into the day with an open heart and mind became a natural state of being.

During one morning meditation, an inner voice proposed: Can you receive this day instead of trying to direct it? We often feel like we have to make the most of a day, a holiday, every single moment. And that if we don’t do our best, if we just lean back and let the day unfold, it’s almost like we wasted the opportunity that was today. But actually, letting the day unfold is making the absolute most of the opportunity that was today, because you let it be as it is.

And that’s how “being in the moment” went from an abstract concept that sounded nice to something tangible, something experienced. An insight integrated. I understand what it takes to be present, and it’s actually so easy that we overlook it. It’s letting go. This doesn’t mean I never preplay a conversation I have yet to have in my mind, or that I take zero initiative for the things I wish for in my life. Mindfulness is a practice. Mindfulness is observing things as they are without wanting them to be different. Mindfulness - and the Art of Living - is being present for the pleasurable and not-pleasurable emotions without creating stories, without attaching ourselves to any of them, without pushing them away.

I now understand this not only in the rational realm, but with my heart and consciousness. Because I’ve been reading about this for the last decade, and seeing how I needed to experience it for this information to integrate into knowning, I strongly believe in learning through experience. That’s why my friend Dia and I are hosting a one-day retreat at the beach on August 30th, to practice arriving and being in the moment. We’ll go from living in sixth gear to putting ourselves in neutral. If you want to learn more about that gathering, please visit the event page.

Meditating spot on Sardinia